


i'll share my cucumber slices with you

by fthh



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Humour, Pre-Relationship, is this even humour? i dont know buddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:00:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26680111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fthh/pseuds/fthh
Summary: there's a new snail coming to the enclosure.(snails au)
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/Petra Macneary
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	i'll share my cucumber slices with you

**Author's Note:**

> i just think snorosnetra r neat

Dorothea checks herself once again in the mirror. She adjusts the flower on her head - a small yellow one Byleth had given her earlier during her feeding.

“How do I look?” Dorothea asks, turning back to her slug friend. “ _ Sledel _ gard,” she tacks on, chuckling.

Edelgard looks on, unimpressed. She refuses to acknowledge the joke. She doesn't want to acknowledge her snail friend - the last time she did, well… it took her a whole week to convince the enclosure inhabitants that  _ really, truly, honestly,  _ her name was indeed  _ Edelgard. _

“You look lovely, as always,” Edelgard says. “Any flower is lucky to be on your pretty head.”

“Aww, Edie, thanks!” She moves her lower tentacles up and down enthusiastically, always happy to receive compliments from her friends. Last week she’d received a painting from her chipmunk friend Bernadetta (she’s saved from being called  _ Chernadetta, _ much to Edelgard’s horror, because “the joke just doesn’t work,” Dorothea had said with a pout.)

“You’re awfully eager for this new arrival,” Edelgard remarks with a hint of amusement.

“Of course,” Dorothea replies in a sing-song voice. “We’re finally getting another snail!”

Edelgard doesn’t say anything; they’ve been through this multiple times. It’s hard to say anything when she’s got plenty of slug friends and Dorothea is still the sole snail in the enclosure.

“What colour do you think their shell will be? Will they be bigger than me? Oh, what if they don’t like me, Edie? I can’t have the only other snail  _ not _ like me! Does this flower come off as trying too hard?”

“I mean… it’s not like snails can see that well, anyway, so.”

“Hush, Edie, you’re one to talk. Slugs can’t see well, too.”

“That can’t be true. I know how pretty you look.”

“Thanks,  _ Sledelgard. _ ”

.

They can’t see much, but they  _ do _ sense the change in lighting and the incoming rush of air as Byleth partly opens the cover of the enclosure to gently place down the new snail.

Dorothea and Edelgard crawl over to the brightest spot in the tank, guided by their limited vision, only stopping when Dorothea bumps into an unfamiliar figure.

“Oh,” comes a strange voice. “My apologies. I am new here.”

The voice comes as a surprise to them: there’s an accent Dorothea can’t quite place. There’s not a lot she knows anyway, being a pet snail living her life crawling around the limited space provided by the enclosure, chewing on leaves and vegetables, and on good days, strawberries.

“You’re from Brigid, aren’t you?” Edelgard asks.

“My name is  _ Snetra _ ,” the new snail jokes, voice mischievous.

Edelgard has the same unimpressed look from before, Dorothea is sure. Dorothea only laughs. “I’m  _ Snorothea,” _ she replies in jest, playing along.

“I’m Edelgard. Nice to meet you,  _ Petra _ .”

“I am thinking you mean  _ Sledel _ gard,” Petra says with a laugh.

(When she laughs the eyes at the ends of her upper tentacles squint into delightful thin lines that remind her of mostly-eaten cucumbers. She could get along with this snail, she thinks.)

“I’ll leave you two to talk.”

Edelgard’s small voice becomes smaller as she crawls away.

(Petra somehow senses the little flower that adorns Dorothea’s head. She says it’s pretty. Dorothea smiles. Yeah, maybe she blushes a little bit. Petra doesn’t know.

Right?)

.

Their lower tentacles touch when they eat from the same cucumber slice. Byleth laughs at their silly antics. Dorothea flushes every time it happens, the realisation that her whole life is free for Byleth to view. She feels like she’s performing on stage, nerve cells standing on attention as she controls every single movement so nothing’s out of place. Rehearsed. Practised.

The feeling is somehow very familiar.

Byleth stays up late, which overlaps with much of their active time.

Petra likes to chat with her, then, during Byleth’s waking hours, inside their little hideaway. Sometimes Edelgard joins them. Sometimes they watch Bernadetta with Linhardt and Caspar in their chipmunk cage. (That’s always fun - Caspar tries to push a sleeping Linhardt out of the hamster wheel while Bernadetta watches on.)

Sometimes the other two slugs, Ferdinand and Hubert, join them, and it’ll be a rowdy time, what with Dorothea relentlessly teasing Ferdinand, and him goodnaturedly protesting everything she says.

Petra fits into her little snail life like a glove.

In the early hours of the morning, when Byleth finally retreats to her own bedroom, and the slugs return to their corner of the enclosure, and the chipmunks are still sleeping, Dorothea and Petra would continue chatting.

About everything. About nothing. About life. About lives.

All while they chew on whatever Byleth had given them earlier in the day.

It’s nice. She would like this to continue all day, but as the sun rises, their eyes droop, and sleep threatens to take over them.

They keep a respectable distance at first, of course, but after a few weeks, a few inches turns into a few steps away, and finally they sleep pressed up against each other, and oh, this warmth is familiar, too.

Dorothea hopes it never fades away.

Dorothea hopes they stay like this until the end of time.

Dorothea hopes Petra feels the same way.

.

“And?” Hubert prompts.

“... Sorry,  _ and  _ what?” She asks. Ferdinand, next to Hubert, heaves a sigh, makes a sound that comes across as disapproving.

They’re all watching Petra and Edelgard discuss the differences between Adrestian snails and Brigid snails. Dorothea doesn’t see how that’s relevant, seeing as Edelgard is a  _ slug. _

“You were saying…?” Hubert tries again.

“Oh. I don’t know. I’m just wondering why Edie’s suddenly interested in Petra, I guess,” Dorothea says with a huff.

Ferdinand shares a small laugh with Hubert, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Dorothea, much to her annoyance. Her observation  _ was _ astute.  _ Why _ is Edelgard suddenly curious about compatibilities between Adrestian and Brigid snails?

They get along like a house on fire. Of course they’re compatible.

“I see,” Hubert says, voice calm and small as it usually is. “I do not wish to interfere. In due time you will figure it out.”

The eyes at the end of her upper stalks twitch in curiosity, but she lets it go.

For now.

.

“I think we might have met in another life," Petra says, nibbling on the strawberry in between them. “You are feeling like a very familiar warmth to me. I like you.”

And oh, how Dorothea swoons in this life, and the next, and the next, and the next...

**Author's Note:**

> [x](https://twitter.com/merciehonkers)


End file.
